


Important: Do Not Kill The Scientist

by The Spike (spike21)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-31
Updated: 2006-03-31
Packaged: 2020-09-28 09:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20423876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spike21/pseuds/The%20Spike





	Important: Do Not Kill The Scientist

# Memo

To:Staff Sargeant Brian Pedersen, Chief Cook, Atlantis  
cc:Kitchen Staff, Atlantis  
cc: Dr. Elizabeth Weir, Director, Atlantis  
From: Dr. Rodney McKay, Department Head, Science, Atlantis

  
Subject: Important: Do Not Kill The Scientist

Dear Staff Sargeant Pedersen and Kitchen Staff of Atlantis,

Without me you would all be dead several times over. Since I have prevented your horrible and untimely demises please return the favour and keep these lists handy and available to all kitchen staff at all times. I would recommend memorizing their contents because yes, they are that important and yes, I will keep asking.

**Appendix A: Things Not To Feed Me As They Will Cause My Horrifying, Painful, Traumatic Death Right In Front Of You**

i Citric Acid, Bane of Mankind  
Citric Acid is used as a preservative in everything. If the food was processed on Earth and then commercially jarred, canned or tetrapacked, it has citric acid in it. If you feed me things with citric acid in them I will... okay, usually not die because of the relatively small amount but be very uncomfortable and more important, very irritable, which is really as much of a problem for you as it is for me. See how that works?

Please read the labels of any processed food, beverages or condiments and please have said labels available for my personal inspection. The presence of citric acid may also be denoted on any given label by one of these chemical formulae: C6H8O7; CH2(COOH)oCOH(COOH)oCH2(COOH); 2-hydroxy-1,2,3-propanetricarboxylic acid, or by it's additive designation: E330.

Be aware that citric acid is also annoyingly found in detergent and other cleansers so rinse those dishes well!  
.  
ii. Citrus fruits, fresh or dried -- this is an incomplete list

Amanatsu  
Bergamot oranges (and hence Earl Grey Tea!!!!)  
Buddha's fingers  
Blood oranges  
Cedros  
Citrons  
Clementines  
Dekopon  
Grapefruits  
Iyokan  
Ichang Lemon  
Kabosu  
Kaffir Limes  
Kalamansi Limes  
Key Limes (and all attendant pies, cookies or puddings)  
Kumquats  
Lemons  
Lime leaves  
Limequats  
Limes  
Limettas  
Limons  
Mandarin oranges  
Meyer oranges  
Minneola oranges  
Orangellos  
Oranges  
Pommelos  
Ponkan  
Rangpur  
Satsuma oranges  
Seville oranges  
Shaddock  
Shikwasa  
Taiwan Tangerines  
Tangelos  
Tangerines  
Ugli Fruits  
Uncola Nuts (thank you, Botany. I owe you for making this advertising nightmare a reality.)  
Yuzu

iii. Common Foodstuffs That People Have Recently Tried To Kill Me With Because They Weren't Paying Attention

Murchies Chai Holiday Tea (mmm, orange-spice flavoured DEATH!)  
No-name Strawberry Jam (Death on toast)  
Cherry 7-Up (almost worth dying for, but really not.)  
EARL GREY TEA!!!!! (Please stop arguing with me about this!!)  
Sour gummy worms. (shudder!)

Appendix B: Symptoms of Severe Allergic Reaction with Anaphylaxis, Just To Keep The Big Picture In Mind

May include:

respiratory distress  
hypotension (low blood pressure)  
fainting (aka 'passing out')  
unconsciousness  
urticaria (hives),  
flushed appearance  
angioedema (swelling of the face, neck and throat)  
vomiting  
itching  
anxiety, including a sense of impending doom (and no, I am not suffering from chronic anaphylactic reaction. Why yes, I have heard all these jokes before.)  
death  
and also  
DEATH

Thank you for your kind attention in this matter. In future I hope this will prevent any further food related incidents requiring trips to the infirmary for either of us. Take that as you will.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Rodney McKay


End file.
